I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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