She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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