i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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