I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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