My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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