It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
