We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
