GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
