wat bout pragnant strippers??
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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