Soap is not a condiment
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
