"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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