is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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