not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i have two assholes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
