i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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