just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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