As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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