i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
BRING THE BAGELS
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
