Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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