Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dick has a subreddit
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
