What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i barfeds in our rink
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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