Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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