Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
