There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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