I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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