there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
