Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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