I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
