So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
