Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
