I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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