Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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