Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
