thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
