He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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