apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize