Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
