You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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