I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
