she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
