so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
