fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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