whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
