Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
