I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
