i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
