i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
