You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
