Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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