drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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