i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
