omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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