I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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