3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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