You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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