Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
