I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's great music for shaving your balls
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
