I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
