Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
