now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
