I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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