Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
