ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
