I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
