You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I still have a little drunk in my system
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
