Nicole vs. Life
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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